I swear I was going to edit yesterday.
I woke up at 7:30, giving me half hour to prepare and make it to work. From 8:00 – 4:30, I counted the hours until I could go home and write. I had an Improv group meeting at 6:00, which gave me just enough time to drive home, have supper, take a shower, then make it to the University. The class ran late, and I only ended up making it home at 9:00.
I was exhausted, and I ended up going to take a short nap to regain some of my energy. That nap turned into a full-out slumber, and I ended up only waking when my alarm went off for my day to begin.
For those keeping track, that’s over 10 hours of sleep. In order to keep my anxiety at bay, I need at least that each night. I was, on my vacation, getting 14-16 hours of sleep each day, which was lovely but didn’t leave much time for actually living.
My self-imposed deadline for publishing Seven Days Till Sundown that I have not made public is quickly approaching, and I’m pretty sure I’m not going to hit it. My mental health is generally subpar, and if I have to choose between staying up late to write or sleeping and not spending the entirety of the next day in a flux of anxiety and depression, I choose the former.
I’m frustrated. I’m angry that society has made it so that 40 hour work weeks are the norm. I’m angry at myself for not being able to live on the low number of sleep that is considered healthy. I’m angry that social situations wear me down as much as they do.
And I’m really angry at myself for being angry. It doesn’t help anything, but angry I stay. The 40 hours I work enable me to write in my free time. I live in a place where I generally can get 10 hours of sleep without worrying about how I’m going to afford to eat tomorrow. That social situations exhaust me is due to my empathy, which enables me to write in the first place.
This could be the depression talking, but I don’t feel depressed currently except for this inability to not sleep. I don’t know. I guess I’ll just keep on keeping on and search for ways to combat this.